If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
