My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
