you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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