I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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