I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
