dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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