I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
