What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
