Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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