I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
