I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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