I could make wine with my vomit
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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