i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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