just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
