I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
