So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
