Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
