Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
