This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
