but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
