Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
