Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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