I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Hippo gnu deer
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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