No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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