I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
