I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
