And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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