Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
should my penis look like a turkey
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
