wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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