Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
