my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
