i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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