The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
