Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
