Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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