In America we eat man semen.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
