Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
