do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
