what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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