Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
