I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
