I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
