I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
