I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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