I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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