so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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