dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
