Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
