i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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