It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
