remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
