I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
