do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
