Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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